World War II Did It Happen

Russian soldiers at the height of the so-called war World War II: Did It Happen? Sixty-five years after V-J Day, the largest war in human history is still very much an unsettled subject. Historians are still trying to settle what seem like elementary questions: What did Hitler know about the Holocaust, and when did he know it? When did Japan make the decision to surrender - before or after the bombing of Nagasaki? Who blew up all those boats in Hawaii? But renowned historian Hans Jaenger goes beyond even those basic questions to more fundamental inquiries about the nature of the war, inquiries which have made him a figure of intense controversy in his native Germany. This occasionally rancorous debate stems from the notion, developed by Jaenger in books like "Widespread Lawlessness Among European Armies" and "That Was The War That Wasn't," that World War II did not, in fact, take place. It was the series of lectures Jaenger gave at Heidelberg in 1993 that touched off the so-called "historikerfufflhagen" in Germany, which pit distinguished historians against each other in an increasingly ill-tempered public debate that at one point involved a full-on pillow fight at the University of Bonn. In a rare interview, Jaenger talks with The Vince College Review about his research into the conflict that he says was little more than "isolated acts of banditry." Professor Jaenger (behind plant) discusses his research that suggests World War II is nothing more than a conspiracy of newsreel makers Vince College Review: You have said that World War II did not happen. How can you reconcile this with such convincing evidence as "Saving Private Ryan" and the Vera Lynn song "White Cliffs of Dover"? Professor Jaenger: My position to a degree has been oversimplified in the news media. What I have established with my research is that there were certain events happening from roughly the late 1930s into the end of the next decade which are commonly called "World War II," but which are not deserving of that name, as they did not involve the world and did not constitute a war. VCR: As you know, many historians disagree, and cite what they say is convincing evidence that contradicts your point. I'll just throw out a "for instance": the invasion of France. Jaenger: Well, there is that word, right away: invasion. Who determines what is an "invasion"? Were there Germans in France in the 1940s? Yes. Are there Germans in France today? Yes. My wife's cousin Helmut, for example. He runs a successful moustache-cleaning service near Strasbourg. And yet you rarely hear this described as an "invasion." VCR: Closer to home, then, what about the firebombing of Dresden? Jaenger: The city of San Francisco was destroyed in 1906. Which country was the United States at war with at the time? Which nation bears the shame of leveling the site of Joe Montana's great athletic achievements? VCR: So the firebombing of Dresden was a natural disaster? Jaenger: In a sense. For years, historians have claimed the fire was an arson set by hundreds of American and British planes, but I consider this a libel against those countries' air forces. My research has determined that the fire started at a roller disco called Der Sausagepflugen. A careless short order cook named Ulli put his cigarette down in a plate of schnecken. Twenty minutes later, the city was in flames. VCR: But you do concede that there was some fighting between countries at this time. You have mentioned what you call "deplorable scuffles" between German and Russian soldiers, as at the siege of Leningrad. Jaenger: One of the great unreported stories of this period is the terribly low morale among soldiers in both armies, which contributed to a climate of lawlessness. The cause of this was what we call "moustachenschrek": literally, an existential horror brought about by the facial hair of one's leaders. VCR: I confess I am not familiar with this concept. Jaenger: Few are. It's part of the hegemonic groupthink that has clouded all discussion of Europe in this time period with talk of a so-called war that really exists only to manufacture tenure for lazy professors. But German soldiers then were terribly depressed at Hitler's facial hair. They felt it shamed the German nation to be led by an Austrian with a pendant moustache. In an unpublished letter of Rommel's that I discovered, he tells his son it is like serving on behalf of a man with a punctuation mark on his face. VCR: And the Russians? Jaenger: Just the opposite. The general staff of the Red Army would have gladly been commanded by a man with a well-groomed pendant moustache. But they were filled with rage at Stalin's thick, brushy growth, which they felt made him look like a singing barber from Murmansk. VCR: How did this low morale result in clashes between troops? Jaenger: The Germans and the Russians were merciless at taunting each other, particularly during the jai alai tournaments that were held between the two armies on a regular basis. The Germans would hold handlebars aloft - yes, like from a bicycle - and mock the Russians, who in turn would jeer that Hitler's single testicle was insufficient to grow a full moustache. So there were conflicts, brawls, as will happen between military men. And sometimes people who were not involved in the dispute got caught in the middle. Poland, for example. VCR: What has been the response to your insights in Germany? Jaenger: A person who stands against conventional wisdom will always face a storm of controversy and heckles and flung pastries, no matter how many mysteriously unpublished diaries he manages to find. Copernicus said that. So the reaction to my research has been largely negative, from conservative, hidebound quarters. People with open minds and a dispassionate grasp of the historical period have been much more accepting. VCR: Raul Hilberg called you the stupidest man who ever lived. Jaenger: I thought that reflected very poorly on him, a well-thought-of scholar with many books to his credit. He did not do his cause any favors with such histrionics. VCR: You, in turn, accused him of plagiarism and set fire to his vacation home. Jaenger: All sides were capable of regrettable excesses, yes. VCR: Professor Jaenger, you've gotten the entire historical establishment of Europe talking about your provocative research. What's next? Jaenger: Oh, some kind of eating contest, I would imagine. VCR: Thank you for your time. Jaenger: It was my pleasure. Can you validate my parking? VCR: Oh, you’ll have to go to the Victoria’s Secret next door. We lost our stamp.