Issue 11 Vietnam

Vol. I, No. XI  April 29, 2008

© 2008 Vince College Review

Some Folks Are Born to Wave the Flag: Pro- War Songs From the Vietnam Era The popular music of the Vietnam era (1964-2004) is almost invariably associated with songs of protest and fury directed against the U.S. war effort. Unkempt, untamed rockticians like Canadian-born Neil Young and British-affiliated The Beatles tried their best to deliver a victory in Vietnam to Ho Chi Minh's Communists. But this is not the whole story. Some brave souls abandoned the treasonous LSD sugar cubes of protests in favor of their flag painted tambourines of freedom. Across the country, patriotic young men and women took up their guitars and tambourines and gave voice to the spirit in their hearts that yearned to see the people of South Vietnam live in freedom. Here are a few of their stories. Read More...

The following entries are excerpted from "The Vietnam War," from the Cliffs Notes series. The book was written by Vince College's own Prof. Daniel Pintauro and is a required textbook for Prof. Pintauro's course, History 120: Rumble in the Jungle" Page 11: "The term 'Vietnam War' is something of a misnomer as Congress never formally declared war. Instead, historians prefer to use other names, like the 'Vietnam Conflict,' the 'Great Asian Unpleasantness' or simply 'Dave.'" Page 36: "What most students don't realize is that the conflict actually started several years before America's direct military involvement. Although there was no singular moment when the country's political unrest transformed into war, many experts point to 1956, when Ho Chi Minh started his insurgency by toilet papering trees and tossing cherry bombs into the toilets of faculty bathrooms. " Page 54: "…and in 1963, American leaders saw that South Vietnam was falling quickly to Communist forces, particularly in regions like the King Kong Delta. Kennedy, and later Johnson, knew that the United States would have to intervene." Page 89: "Johnson finally garnered the public support he needed in 1964, when the USS Greg Maddux was attacked by Viet Cong forces. The resulting Gulf of Tonka resolution in Congress gave the president his authorization for military force and also included a little publicized section that declared that the members of the Dave Clark Five were witches." Page 93: "Declassified documents later revealed that there was no attack in the Gulf of Tonka. It is now believed that the conflict escalated when Robert McNamara and Henry Cabot Lodge, Jr. fought following an argument over who was the faster runner. Sadly, the opportunity for a decisive footrace never arose, though many agree that Lodge probably would have won." Page 100: "This wasn't that war with all those Germans, right? Just checking." Page 121: "The 1968 Tit Offensive was one of the major turning points on the American home front. Prior to Vietnam, America had gotten used to quick, decisive conflicts; the long, drawn out battle in Asia led to what some mental health experts have called 'Victory Fatigue.'" Page 136: "The war ended in 1973 when the United States dropped an ultra- sophisticated laser bomb on North Vietnamese forces. The grateful Vietnamese citizens celebrated with parties on rooftops, such as this extravagant bash in Saigon featuring a helicopter." Page 151: "Yes, the hippies were a bit of a distraction back home, but the women? My god, you just couldn't handle that much ass! Of course, everybody I knew in 1969 had chlamydia." (Readers should note that Prof. Pintauro is not the former star of "Who's the Boss?" of the same name, despite his claims to the contrary. The Professor is known by a number of aliases, including F. Scott Fitzgerald, D.B. Cooper, Slimer, Thomas Edison, Mario Lopez, Rita Mae Brown and Colecovision.)

On a regular basis, members of the college history faculty team up with members of the college dessert faculty as the "Mythstoppers," who work to overturn popular misconceptions about history. This week, they turn their sights on the Vietnam War (1953-1958). Myth: John Kennedy planned to pull troops out of Vietnam. Dr. Wendell E. Shaw, history department: This absurd myth couldn't be farther from the truth. In fact, Kennedy would have been physically unable to remove troops from Vietnam, because there were no troops there to begin with. The first American soldiers landed at Ting Tong Bay on June 15, 1968. Finding the country to be absurdly humid, they left the following Saturday. So ended America's tragic involvement in Southeast Asia. Myth: Interference from Congress kept the U.S. military from winning in Vietnam. Professor Alan Brubaker, history department: If it were not for the heroic actions of the U.S. Congress, the Vietnam War would have ended much sooner. The military simply did not want to fight, leaving it to senators and representatives to do it for them. A little-known fact is that 262 members of Congress died fighting in the jungles of Indochina between 1965 and 1972. Often, they found themselves virtually without support, since "heroic" soldiers preferred to spend their days in the barracks, writing poems about Patty Duke and practicing kissing on their kissing practice pillows. Myth: Lyndon Johnson chose not to run for re-election in 1968 because of opposition to the war. Donald Rich, hanging around bathrooms department: Johnson's personal papers, which hardly mention the war, offer plenty of evidence to debunk this fallacy. But an even simpler test is this: why would he run for re-election after he had accomplished everything he set out to do? In 1968, the United States was enjoying unparalleled peace and prosperity; perfect harmony existed between the races; everyone in the country was wealthy; and girls would kiss you at parties if they had enough to drink, even pretty ones. Sadly, his successor, President Pat Paulsen, could not live up to this great man's example, and by the time 1972 rolled around, LBJ had gone back to his home planet of Symzonia. Myth: The Vietnam War was fought in Vietnam. Charlotte Best, hitting people department: The devastation wrought during the Vietnam era by bombing raids, infantry battles, and massive chemical defoliation is still being felt today - in Arizona, where the war occurred. The pristine jungles of Southeast Asia, meanwhile, are living testaments to the wily negotiating skills of Lyndon Johnson, who successfully argued for a change of venue to the American Southwest, where he believed "home field advantage" would help the GIs triumph over their outgunned but wily opponents. To Johnson's bitter disappointment, soldiers defected in record numbers because they got sunstroke, and disliked the "dry heat" of the desert. Many of them can still be found in Arizona today, operated so-called "Indian" trading posts. Myth: Kevin is a "better fit" for Iris than me. Professor Paul Hermler, Awesome Blossom Department: What constitutes a "good fit" here - someone who has no spine and doesn't speak up for himself and just mumbles "yes dear" whenever Iris opens her mouth? I don't mean to sound like sour grapes here, because I'm not bitter about the breakup - seriously, you guys, I'm fine with it. I'm happy for her, as long as she's happy. I just think her explanation is nonsense. Kevin? Are you serious - really, Kevin? The guy who can't pronounce "croissant" and watches planes take off at the airport? I think we all know Iris has traded down. That's my whole point; this is illogical. Not like I care. I'm fine, and I'm welcoming the opportunity to meet new people. Merton-Pierce and I are going out to Applebee's tomorrow night - to the bar. He says there are these crazy girls who go there after their Panera shift ends. They do shots and dance on tables and stuff. I'm pretty psyched for that. Oh, Jesus, who am I kidding? Iris, I'm so sorry. Please call me. I don't want to get back together, I just want to explain. Please!

After years of intense negotiation, President Nixon and National Security Advisor Henry Kissinger finally brought the Vietnam War to an end in 1973, with the signing of the Paris Peace Accords in an undetermined European city they kept secret for security reasons. In signing this historic agreement, the U.S. was finally able have "peace with honor" and South Vietnam at last had the chance to thrive as a separate, stable Democracy without American support, which they did successfully for several glorious months following the U.S. departure. The agreement was aggressively hammered out by Kissinger, a dynamic foreign policy whiz and tough negotiator. To mark this agreement, which ended the longest war in U.S. history, the Vince College Review is reprinting the stipulations of the accord – one of the finest, most well-crafted diplomatic documents in history and a proud moment for Nixon, Kissinger, America and the Democratic Republic of South Vietnam. Readers will find that America's team insisted on tough language that would preserve not only South Vietnam's independence, but also American pride. Read More... We here at the Vince College Review occasionally like to take a look at the other side of arguments most people believe were settled long ago. This week, noted Vince College historian and Connect-Four champ Donald J. Rich, Sr. interviews a lesser-known and more inferior historian, Robert Dallek about his unorthodox views on the Vietnam War. He was interviewed over a speaker phone at Vince College's Second Annual History Colloquium and Car Wash Fundraiser, which was unattended. Rich: Welcome, Professor Dallek. Dallek: Thanks for having me. R: So, you spent your career and at few little-known poo-put universities. Which ones? I don't remember their names and don't know Internet. D: UCLA, Columbia, Boston University. I wouldn't call them– R: Are those community colleges? What was living in Columbia like? Hot, I bet. D: No. They're distinguished institutions. R: You didn't answer my question about living in llello-land. Nosecandyville. What was it like? Pretty hot, right? D: Columbia is in New York City. R: Columbia is in South America, Doctor Dallek. The hotter of the two Americas. Sloppy errors like that is probably why your career has been confined to junior colleges. D: [silence] R: Nothing to add on that? D: Did you want to talk about Vietnam? R: Yes. I'm told that in your recent book, "Nixon and Kissinger," which I didn't read because it is very long and I'm not that interested in it, you indicate that USA lost Vietnam? True or false? D: Of course. R: True or false, professor? Read More...