yelling

What Was All That Yelling About? Russia Vladimir Lenin was a senior at St. Petersburg College of Obnoxious Art and Wheat Hoarding in 1914 when the seeds of revolution first began fermenting in his mind. His idea: to place red banners everywhere in major Russian cities to show, he said, "That art could be tangible" and "that I have access to a lot of red banners." With a flourish of ideas that later influenced the flamboyant and wildly dull 20th century artist Christo, Lenin hung his red banners throughout the nation as a message that livestock have personalities, too. Hungry peasants mistook this for a political message when he said he work was "revolutionary" and he "looked forward to putting garbage in public places all his life." Delighted with the attention, he went right along with it and before you know it, you've got a dead czar on your hands and Trotsky angrily mumbling about being a real revolutionary. The Cultural Revolution Visionary Chinese leader Mao Zedong was once told that he didn't have what it took to run a zoo. Professor Fung Chan later regretted this ill-tempered statement when he and his family and all his colleagues were starved in a camp for a while then shot to death by men in green outfits in the action-packed, long running Chinese TV show, "The Cultural Revolution." The program, which aired from 1966 until some later date featured Mao and the soon-to-be popular punk band Gang of Four slaughtering the liberal intelligencia for being the liberal intelligencia and kind of snotty about holding office hours. The nation grew bored with this game once it became clear that Mao would always win and that a huge percentage of the educated population were then, as now, the losers. Later, he made a sexual remark that made Richard Nixon a little queasy. The American Revolution Furious that their pictures had not yet found their way onto currency, a bunch of men dressed as Indians - aided by handsome but grotesquely wounded Johnny Tremain - threw tea from a ship into Boston Harbor only to find that the harbor was salt water and the tea tasted terrible. This infuriated Britain's king - "King Numbers" - who loved costume parties, but could not abide colonists dressing as Indians. Later, The Shot Heard Round the world was fired in Lexington, MA in the hopes of turning the dull little village into a National Park someday. The British troops changed into their angriest color - red - and proceeded to look for the colonists, who hid, but occasionally shot the British. George Washington, sure that only a "show stopper" would get him on the $1.00 bill, led the young American army to battle while men dressed in funny outfits met in Philadelphia to decide who would play "The Swamp Fox" in the movie about the whole thing. Later, turned into a musical and laid the ground work for a nation tthat could produce this: The Sexual Revolution Among the major issues of the 1968 presidential campaign included: How can the fact that sex is better without a rubber and our desire to not get Patty pregnant be reconciled? Young people would like to have sex with plenty of other young people, but don't want to do so in private. If men wore any gender-specific garments, now would be the time to burn them. Bras are uncomfortable; but people stare when women are topless. Solution: use your acoustic guitar to cover them up. Mick Jagger intends to sleep with everyone, but not all at once. Pat Nixon tells "60 Minutes" that "blowjobs are mainstream." Lady's skirts: going up. Percentage of men's chest-hair that is concealed: down. Can Paul Simon really be considered attractive?   © 2008. The Vince College Review