paris peace accords

The Paris Peace Accords Section 1: The United States of America acknowledges that it is a helpless, pitiful giant. A. We agree that our massive military could not beat a poor, third-world nation and an ill-equipped army of starving men in pajamas. B. President Nixon is a clown. C. Henry Kissinger is a great fat loser. Section 2: North Vietnam is superior to the United States and all capitalist nations in every conceivable way. A. Americans are bloated failures. Not unlike Kissinger. B. North Vietnam is a paradise that President Nixon and Mr. Kissinger would much rather live in than the United States. C. North Vietnamese people are better looking than their hideous American counterparts. Section 3: The North will respect the stipulation that it not invade the South. A. The North has no intention of honoring its word that it will not invade and take-over the South in very short order. America agrees to pretend they don't know this. B. The very idea we would abide by this is a joke. C. At no point was the North ever serious about not continuing to fight the South once the Americans were gone. Section 4: The Paris Peace Accords are not accords, nor do they establish peace in any way. A. The United States acknowledges that it is leaving Southeast Asia with its tail between its legs. B. The Democratic Republic of South Vietnam is doomed. C. The Democratic Republic of South Vietnam knows it is doomed. All these people died for nothing. Section 5: America will admit it has failed, lost the war, embarrassed itself and will leave Vietnam now and never come back. A. President Johnson was an ape. American television is awful. B. North Vietnam won the war because America is weak and communism is superior. C. This document is part of an ongoing sham. D. President Nixon, Mr. Kissinger and the American people bow in loving respect to their betters: the people of North Vietnam. Section 6: America will leave all its stuff behind for the North to use after it takes over the South. The North will taunt Americans as they leave. A lasting image of people climbing from the American embassy into a helicopter will be an iconic image of utter failure. President Nixon has not slept with his wife since 1954 and didn't like it even when he did. Section 7: The North agrees that some American movies are OK. Signed this day, 27 January 1973 _________________________ Henry Fatass Kissinger Head American Loser _________________________ Le Duc Glorious Victor Tho Vietnamese Titan, Winner of the War [redacted] France